Ask Amy: Womanâs time at home leads to uncomfortable questions about work
Dear Amy: I am a woman in my mid-40s with two grown children.
I have suffered with depression and anxiety for much of my life. I am on medication and work weekly with a therapist.
Things have been under control until recently.
Over the past few months my mother had a stroke, my husband had a heart attack, and one of my children called off their wedding. I handled everything as it was happening, but once everything settled, I had a bit of a breakdown.
I took some time off work to attend to my mental health. When I returned, I was pretty much told I was no longer needed at the company. I was very hurt, but in reality it was probably time for me to move on.
My husband and I talked and decided that I didn’t need to be in a hurry to return to work. We realized that we could more than make it on his salary and I still wasn’t in a great place mentally. My therapist didn’t think I was ready to return to work, and definitely not in a place to start a new job.
Being home, I’ve been accomplishing a lot of things we had been putting off due to lack of time and energy. Our home is very happy and very clean!
However, I struggle to respond when people ask about my work.
When I tell people I don’t work, there’s always an implied question as to why.
My children are grown, I’m not disabled, so what do I say when the questions do get personal?
– Young & Happy Retiree
Dear Happy: Your history of mental illness might have sensitized you to questions about your situation, but I’ll offer a gentle reminder that taking care of your mental health is nothing to be embarrassed about.
All the same, no one should feel forced to reveal their health history, just to fulfill a conversation-starter.
Also, by the way, you do work. You are taking care of hearth and home.
I suggest a friendly but vague response: “I left my previous job not too long ago and I’m taking a break until I start my next chapter. In fact, this might be my next chapter, because I love working at home.”
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.